


Paths of Ascension

by Lmere



Series: Apes Together Strong [3]
Category: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014), Rise of the Planet of the Apes (Movies), War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2019-07-29 21:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16272566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lmere/pseuds/Lmere
Summary: Love, loss, war, the end of the world. Jac has been through it all and somehow emerged standing, firm in her place beside the apes. But after a terrible blow, Caesar is set upon a path that she won’t follow. Left once again to find her own way, Jac must decide if, and how, she can make amends for all she has done.(Sequel to 'If Only' and 'And So We Descend')





	1. Past and Present

_I got soul but I’m not a soldier._

_I got soul but I’m not a soldier._

All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

.

.

Dawn came slowly to the forest north of San Francisco. Sat against a cold outcrop of rock, two figures watched a large swath of trees, passing a single pair of binoculars back and forth between them. One had messy blonde hair, and a bow propped against her leg. The other had a hard face and short dark brown hair with the ragged look of having been cut recently. Her eyes swept the forest, her right hand rubbing her left, which was missing most of the smallest finger. She had been sat there for most of the night, her companion only joining her within the last hour or so, after waking alone. The curving path ahead of them remained stubbornly empty, no matter how much they strained their eyes, and as the day brightened around them, the taller of the pair stood up. The other followed willingly as she turned in silence, tracing one of the many paths back to the complex of caves the pair called home. She wasn’t giving up though. It wasn’t in her blood to give up.

.

.

Lily’s footsteps followed mine, and they echoed with guilt. Guilt, guilt, guilt. Guilt for the dead, guilt for the living. Guilt for taking so much and giving so little. Guilt that she would still follow me, despite everything. Guilt, guilt, guilt. It had dogged my heels relentlessly for the past year and a half, intensifying once Blue Eyes had left, but the feeling was a familiar one to me. It had been my constant companion for the past 12 years.

            Reaching blindly backwards, I slowed my steps as I reached a wider section of path. Lily’s shoulder fit neatly under mine as her free arm came around my waist, her other hand holding her bow.

            “Couldn’t sleep?” she asked, finally breaking the silence that had shrouded our vigil.

            Somehow our feet kept pace with each other, despite the difference in our heights. I shrugged in answer.

            “Jac…” The warning in her voice was light, but it was still there.

            With a sigh, I glanced across at her feet, unable to meet her eyes. “People from the colony. Blue.” Blue Eyes was in all my nightmares now. His extended absence had opened the door for him to wander into my dreams. “And Koba.”

            Lily knew about Koba now. She knew everything, but still, she had stayed.

            Approaching the first of the arches along the river, I signed a quick greeting to the ape on watch, who nodded in return.

            “Not the soldiers?” Lily asked.

            I raised a hand to touch my cheek, a faint scar marking my stint of time among the enemy. Deep muscle bruise, a dislocated shoulder, and split skin over a swollen cheek. It wouldn’t even have scarred if I hadn’t picked at the scab so much, even with Lily batting my hand away. It was irrelevant anyway. That time had left much deeper scars that were much harder to see.

            “No,” I answered Lily. “They gave me a break.” I snorted at the irony of the idea. It was unusual for the soldiers to be absent from my dreams, and unheard of for them not to haunt my waking hours. Not a day went by anymore without the distant crackle of gunfire, the returning reports of more deaths.

            I’d taken a step back from the fighting, as I’d known I must ever since the last encounter with John. The soldiers were still my enemies, still our enemies, but they were more than that. I’d slept with them, ate with them, trained with them. Caesar was too good, too smart, to ask me to be in a position to kill them. So I’d retreated, remaining in the caves most of the time. I talked strategy with Caesar, had advised Blue on which direction to go to seek a possible new home, played with the young ones, taught alongside Maurice and Lily. We’re not totally removed – we helped plan ambushes on the soldier’s supplies, snuck around them into the city, worked with the apes to create better weapons. Our attempts were crude and often failed to begin with, but we developed relentlessly, and the smoke bombs the apes were now armed with were highly effective. It’s impossible to ignore the war, to forget about it, but away from the direct action, I did my best.

            For the most part, I’m happy with what I’ve been doing. There’s only been one instance where I’ve baulked.

            Caesar had been even graver than normal as he’d waved me over to where he was sat with his inner council. Leaving the group of youngsters to torment Lily, I’d bounded over to them. The slick rocks, slippery from the constant spray of water, had made me cautious at first but held little fear for me now. In quick, unquestionable terms, Caesar had explained his plan. The apes were losing. Slowly, they were being pushed back. The soldiers were determined, well-armed, and experienced. Caesar was looking ahead, to a different way out. He wanted to send out a small group to explore other possible places for the apes to live. A strategical retreat, moving far enough that the soldiers either couldn’t or wouldn’t follow. I’d private doubted there was anywhere the apes could run that the Colonel wouldn’t pursue them, but I’d held my tongue, my thoughts filled with a harsh anger, growing with every second. I hated it. I hated the very idea. The apes may not have development completely naturally, but they deserved the chance to live. They deserved to be able to build a home, to raise their families, and not fight for it. But they shouldn’t have to leave, to run, in order to do so.

            The second blow, that it was Blue Eyes who would be the one to go, had been too much. With a swift nod, and a brief sign to indicate my return, I’d turned and left. Deep within the network of caves, hidden in the darkness, I’d sunk down onto the floor, pressed my hands over my mouth, and screamed.

            Later that evening, once I’d had myself under control, I’d sat with the apes, discussing the possible places they could find to live, drawing a rough outline of a map in the gravel which I’d later copied onto a sheet of stolen paper. Within four days, Blue Eyes had gone, Rocket along with him. We hadn’t seen them since.

            “Hey, you okay?”

            Lily’s voice drew me out of my thoughts, and I blinked, looking around with a wry smile.

            “Yeah, just… a little lost,” I said vaguely.

            Her hand tightened on mine. “I’ve got you.”

            I looked at her in wonderment. Despite everything, despite admitting my whole story to her, my part in the ending of the world, she’d stayed. “How are you still here?” I asked.

            She grinned. “Where else would I be?”

.

.

A wild hooting and fast hooves drew our attention up. With a quick glance at Lily, I jogged over to the end of the cliff, looking down in time to see an ape pulling their horse to a halt, eyes scanning around.

            “ _Caesar?_ ” they signed.

            “ _Not here,_ ” one of the other apes replied, as I scrambled closer.

            “What’s happened?” I called out.

            The newly arrived ape looked up. “ _Attack. Survivors._ ”

            Feeling suddenly cold, I made the final jump down to the path. The soldiers had been brutal with me. They would surely be even worse to a captured ape. “They were taken?”

            The horse snorted, stamping its feet as the ape shook its head. “ _Human survivors._ ”

            The world swayed, and I sat down on the rock I’d just jumped off of. It felt like I fell a lot further.

_Human survivors._

            John?

            I dismissed the idea as soon as it formed. It couldn’t be John. But it could be.

            “Jac?” Lily had joined me, touching my shoulder, her face worried.

            “Where?” I croaked, looking past her.

            The ape seemed unsure, looking around as if asking permission to tell me.

            I was back on my feet in an instant, though my vision went black around the edges. “Where?!” I demanded.

            “ _First east trench,_ ” the ape signed reluctantly.

            “Jac,” Lily said again, louder.

            “I have to go.”

            “No,” she objected, catching hold of my elbow, pulling me around. “You don’t.”

            I looked at her blue eyes, and saw a different pair. “Yes, I do.” Shrugging off her grip, I turned away, jogging towards the corral. For the first time, I was grateful that Lily had insisted I learn to ride. I needed to move fast. I might already be too late.


	2. Fall in, fallout

_When I hear the Devil calling,_

_gotta pay him what he’s due,_

_I can’t stop the dogs of war._

Dogs of War – Blues Saraceno

.

.

The apes were already parted, some craning their necks along the trench, but most focused on treating the wounded, or recovering the dead. Striding along, I felt their eyes upon me but didn’t look round, keeping my own gaze fixed ahead, where I could see Winter, Caesar, Luca, and Maurice focused on something in front of them. My feet quicken, and I slip past them, skidding to a halt as the object of their attention comes into view.

            Five figures, one ape and four humans. I scan the faces and don’t find the ones I’m looking for. My heart thumps unevenly with traitorous relief.

            Having confirmed John’s absence, I looked again. Two of the soldiers I don’t remember, though, from their expressions, they know who I am. The other two I do recognise; Preacher, his young face barely more mature than the last time I saw it, and Travis, an older man with a rough beard.

            “You!” It was Travis who lunged, ignored the apes as he threw himself at me. He didn’t get very far, Luca stepping forwards and throwing him back down.

            I flinched back but faced them again.

            “We thought you were dead too,” one of the other soldiers, a woman, said bitterly.

            “Hoped,” Travis corrected her, as he looked up at me from the ground.

            “Well you didn’t hope hard enough,” I said. Looking over them all again, my eyes lingered this time on the ape. It was Red. He held my gaze, somehow matching my surge of hatred with his. With an effort, I looked away. He was Caesar’s to deal with.

            Turning my gaze back to the soldiers, I spotted something that made my anger flare again. Moving forward, I ripped Preacher’s helmet from his head, ignoring his accusatory gaze. Turning it over in my hands, I looked at the two symbols etched into the side of it. An ‘A’ and a horseshoe shape. Alpha and Omega.

            “What is this?” I asked quietly, crouching down in front of him.

            “Alpha Omega. We are the beginning and the end,” the same female soldier as before spoke again.

            I lunged, smacking their bare face with the helmet in my hands. Blood sprayed everywhere, and they spat out a tooth before picking themselves up again. From the look they gave me, they would have returned the attack if it hadn’t been for the apes behind me.

            “I know what it means,” I said coldly, returning to my original position, looking directly at Preacher. “I was there in San Francisco when the people wearing it fire-bombed a hospital full of people. Not just sick people either. Doctors. Families. That’s what it means.”

            There’s half a beat of silence.

            “How long have you been wearing it?” I asked.

            “Does it matter?”

            I shook my head slowly. “I guess not.” It wasn’t the answer I wanted anyway. I told myself that it didn’t really matter whether or not John had agreed to this, but it didn’t stop the words hovering on the edge of my tongue.

            To stop myself asking, I flipped the helmet over in my hands, baring the two symbols again. Bracing it between my knees, I dug out my knife and set to work, scratching away at the markings, engraving a deep line across them. No one said a word as I worked, or as I placed the helmet down in front of Preacher when I finished.

            He looked down at the marred letters as I turned away, moving back to Caesar’s side.

            “What now?” I ask him quietly, searching his face. There had never been human survivors before.

            “Just kill us already,” Travis snarled.

            I turned, looking back over my shoulder at him. Caesar raised a hand to my face, touching the place on my cheek when I still carried a faint scar, a testament to what the soldiers had done last time they’d had one of our side in their power.

            “Shut the hell up!” another soldier hissed, as I met Caesar’s gaze.

            “What?!” Travis shot back, looking through us all. “They’re animals, he’s just gonna slaughter us.”

            Dropping his hand from my face, Caesar moved forwards. All eyes were on him at once, every breath held in trepidation. Turning, I took his place, returning Winter’s soft touch of reassurance on my arm.

            “I did not start this war,” Caesar said. “The ape who did is dead. His name was Koba. I killed him. Now, I fight only to protect apes.”

            “You’re lying,” Travis said, though he voice was wavering, and he’d shrunk back as Caesar approached.

            “It’s true,” I said softly. “I was there. I saw Koba die before you even arrived. I told you to go home. You have no fight here.”

            “Like we’d believe _you_ ,” Preacher spoke up, his eyes hard.

            “You say you protect apes… what about him?” Travis cut in, jerking his head sideways at Red. “And we’ve got ten more just like him.”

            We all looked along at Red, who had yet to look up at us. It didn’t suit him, highlighting the scars across his back and head. I wondered if any of them were from bullets I’d fired, and wished I’d had better aim.

            “I know these apes,” Caesar said. “They followed Koba. Tried to kill others after he died. Tried to kill me.”

            I had to quench the urge to spit contemptuously on the ground.

            “They fear what I will do to them, so now, they serve you, just to survive.”

            “I no fear you,” Red spoke at last, his words halting and broken. “You must fear. How long you think woods can protect you? Humans destroy you. Their Colonel has all power. Humans follow all he say. To them, he more than just human. He everything.”

            There were hoots and barking calls from behind me, from either anger or fear. My own blood was boiling as my hand found the gun at my waist. How dare he?! He’d betrayed them, turned on them. Now he thought to threaten us?

            Winter drew back, curling in on himself as Red’s hard gaze swept over us all.

            “He say: first Caesar die,” Red continued with relish, “then, you all die.”

            Spear, a young ape to the right, snapped first, snapping out a quick series of blows and throwing Red to the ground. I was seconds behind him, gun out and pressed against the back of the gorilla’s head. I wouldn’t miss this time…

            A hand on my shoulder made me pause, though I hated the hesitation. I didn’t need to look back to know that it was Caesar who had stopped me. With angry reluctance, I stepped back, turning away rather than look at the other soldiers.

            “ _Take him away,_ ” Caesar signed.

            Grinding my teeth, I shoved my gun away as I watched Luca jerk his head to call Winter forwards. The white ape hesitated, shuffling his feet and looking away briefly before obeying the order. Pulling the darker gorilla up, both quickly shuffled out of sight.

            “ _Mistake,_ ” I signed to Caesar.

            His eyes saw the word, following the movement of my hands, but he made no response.

            Teeth gritted, I glanced away, back to the soldiers, who showed no worry at all for their companion.

            “ _What do with them?_ ” Luca signed.

            Caesar’s sharp eyes roved over the four kneeling figures, some of whom met his gaze, others staring determinately at the floor. Then he turned to me, focusing on my cheek again, a question in his gaze.

            “ _Don’t look at me_ ,” I signed quickly, taking a physical step backwards.

            “ _Have no past with this,_ ” Maurice signed, watching the humans.

            I followed his gaze, turning my attention back to the soldiers, watching their eyes flickered between the apes and the conversation they couldn’t follow. Now that I looked freely, I could see the symbol of Alpha Omega everywhere. Carved into their gears, tattooed under their skin. One of them even had it branded into the side of his head. I turned away.

            “ _No,_ ” Caesar signed. “ _They are an opportunity._ ”

            I’d missed too much of the discussion to bother trying to understand but watched with trepidation as Caesar turned briefly back to the soldiers.

            “ _Bring them_ ,” he signed, turned and walking away.

            As always, his orders were obeyed instantly, Spear, Luca, and two other apes each grabbing one of the soldiers by the arms and pulling them roughly upright, pulling them after their leader.

            “You going to let them do this?” Travis threw at me as he squirmed, trying to throw off Spear’s grip.

            “I don’t think there’s any confusion now about which side I’m on,” I shot back, having to turn as he was pulled past me.

            The female soldier, last in the line, spat at me as she was shoved past. It felt short, but my jaw still clenched before I followed along behind them. I didn’t know what Caesar was thinking and I was acutely aware of the gun at the back of my waist, but I knew if that was what he had in mind, he wouldn’t ask me to do it.

            The apes were all watching our strange procession pass, their eyes wary but expectant. I felt the same.

            When I saw the horses, I was confused. Was Caesar leaving again? Placing the fate of the soldiers in the hands on those they’d attacked?

            Not until Preacher was roughly shoved up onto one of the animals did I understand.

            “You’re letting us go?” Preacher asked, twisting around in confusion as the rest of the soldiers were mounted up as well, two on each horse.

            “Tell your Colonel, you have seen me now,” Caesar said. “And I have a message for him; leave us the woods, and the killing can stop.”

            I jumped down from the ledge before anyone else could speak.

            “ _Will make sure they get to the right place,_ ” I signed to Caesar, turning away before he could reply, and taking the head of Preacher’s horse, pulling it along after me.     

            None of us spoke until the apes were out of sight behind us.

            “What are you doing?” It was Preacher.

            I didn’t respond.

            “They see you, they’ll kill you,” Travis pointed out harshly.

            That was undoubtedly true, but I had no intention of getting close enough to the soldier’s camp to confirm it.

            I maintained my silence the entire journey, walking in front of them to the grey area of the territories controlled by neither the apes or the soldiers. Beside a tall tree trunk, I pulled the horse to a stop, climbing up. From this vantage, I was a couple of feet about the soldiers, and Travis had to tilt his head to squint up at me.

            “What?” he asked suspiciously.

            “Keep still,” I said pleasantly, “or I’ll take your eye out.”

            I gave him half a second to absorb that before grabbing his head and tilting it away from me. One quick slash with my knife and blood welled up, dripping down the side of his face as he cursed at the sudden pain.

            “That’s my message,” I said, watching the blood continue to drip from the cut across his brand, marring the two Greek letters. “Get out of here. That way.”

            Preacher, flashing an unnerved look up at me, urged his horse forwards, perhaps before I decided to do the same thing to him as well. The second horse followed eagerly under the nervous guidance of the female soldier. Both these two gave me unmasked looks of disgust and suspicion as they passed. I couldn’t have cared less, jumping down off the tree stump as they disappeared from sight and retracing our steps slowly.

            The woods were alive with sound, but they’d never felt more silent. Just over a year and a half since I’d last encountered any of the soldiers. I’d been cursed, spat at, and wished dead. And John’s name hadn’t even been mentioned.


	3. Come Back to Me

_And with the cataclysm raining down_

_Insides crying, "save me now!"_

_You were there, impossibly alone._

Iridescent – Linkin Park

.

.

My eyes were still dry when I reached the first outcrop of rock that hinted at the rugged valley the apes had made their home. The roar of the river masked the noise of their presence, and I was able to ignore them all, eyes down, as I strode through their midst. There was only one person I wanted to see, and as hard as I tried to search surreptitiously out of the corners of my eyes, they still managed to find me first.

            At the touch on my arm, I swung around, the left-over tension from the morning’s events still sharp in my veins. Lily’s wide eyes were concerned as she hesitated, hand still outstretched. For a moment, I just stared at her, with the slightly random thought that my eyes might be just as wide as hers. Then I stepped into her, dropping my head to her shoulder as I wrapped my arms around her. She returned the embrace willingly but with a hint of hesitation. For the very first time in my life, I wished that I was shorter; I wanted to be engulfed, to be lost, to be held by someone who could surround me, and block out the entirety of the world.

            Lily guided me away from the rest of the apes, into a small compartment formed by some convenient boulders, shielding us from view on most sides.

            “What happened?” she asked softly.

            I stared straight ahead, to the opposite valley wall, and had no idea what to say. There was a tightness in the small of my back, but I was sure that if it relaxed, I would start shaking.

            “Was it him?”

            My head jerked up, and I found that Lily wasn’t looking at me, but at her fingers, entwined with my own. I didn’t need to ask who she meant.

            “No,” I said, my voice hoarser than I’d expected.

            She looked away, out from our private little shelter, blinking rapidly.

            _No one even mentioned his name._ “He might be dead,” I said viciously, to stop myself saying anything else.

            Lily’s head snapped back around to look at me again, her face studiously blank.

            My free hand, clenched on the ground, found a small pebble, and I flung it away, coming to my feet as I watched it land in the river. “I hate this,” I snarled. “I hate it.”

            Hands came around my waist from behind, and a light pressure between my shoulder blades told me Lily was resting her head on my back. She couldn’t put her chin on my shoulder. It wasn’t even that she was particularly short, I was just too tall. It was my fault. Always my fault.

            “We’re fighting them, and we shouldn’t be, and everyone’s dying,” I said morosely.

            “You don’t think we should be fighting them?” Lily asked, her tone lighter than the words should have been.

            “I don’t think we should have to,” I clarified bitterly. “I wish we’d never fixed the power. I wish they’d never put out the call on the radio. I wish…” I closed my eyes and sighed. “If only things could have been different.” That thought had been hanging over me for years. If only, if only, if only.

            “Would you take it back, if you could? Make it so none of this had happened?”

            The question was not one I’d expected, and my eyes roved over the apes while I thought. Would I go back? Undo it all? Bring back all the people, all that we’d lost, and wipe out everything that had happened? Cornelia, Maurice, Rocket, Winter, Caesar… they would all have been living vividly different lives, unaware of so much. Blue Eyes and Cornelius wouldn’t even exist.

            “Would you?” I asked, turning my head to direct the question at Lily.

            She was just as silent as I had been and for a second I wondered if that was because she didn’t have an answer, or if she didn’t think I’d like the answer she would give.

            For a few moments, we were both silent, watching the dead being given to the churning river, the dark shapes being carried quickly away. Then, a hoot, loud and demanding, brought our attention back from our far-off thoughts.

            Without needing to discuss it, we both bounded up the slope, slipping on the slick rocks and catching ourselves on our hands. Lily gained the smooth path before me and looked back with a worried expression on her face. In seconds I was beside her, using the advantage of my height to see over the heads of the apes blocking her view.

            Two horses stood at the far end of the path, both devoid of riders, but the tight cluster of apes thronging around them made me sure the newcomers were being warmly welcomed. My mind immediately began to churn, trying to work out who it could be. Not just a simple scouting mission around the forest, there was never this much excitement when they came back. I didn’t have long to think about it, for the centre of the mass was moving swiftly towards us. My hand found Lily’s, gripping it tightly. I’d thought that I was all out of hope, but I found a spark of it within my chest in those few seconds.

            I saw Rocket first, his grey head quickly recognisable. Then the crowd shifted, and I saw a flash of old wounds, long since healed to scars, and a pair of distinctive eyes. The breath I drew in was painful, my whole body clenching at the unexpectedly strong surge of emotion that flooded me. Knees locked, I couldn’t move, caught helplessly in place as Caesar moved into view, an arm around the shoulders of his elder son.

            Blue Eyes saw me, his mouth falling open in a pant, but he made no move to come forward. The distance between us was suddenly unbearable. I strode forwards, and he mirrored me. We collided in a tangle of limbs and mixed laughter and I breathed at last.

.

.

The scene was repeated many times over, with Cornelia and Cornelius, with Lake, with Maurice and so many others. My smile only grew wider with each one, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him, even once Cornelius had climbed up onto my shoulders—a trick he was really getting too big for—and Lily had taken my hand. It was probably an hour before the excitement had died down enough for Caesar’s council to assemble properly. I sat between Lily and Winter, who was hunched and withdrawn. The news that Red has escaped his custody made me uneasy and had affected him even more deeply. Despite my giddy joy at the return of Rocket and Blue, I spared a second to press my shoulder against his. The show of solidarity didn’t particularly seem to reassure him, but there was little else I could do, so I turned my attention back to the centre of the group.

            The rough map, drawn by my own hands, sent a jolt through my heart as Blue Eyes spread it out between us all. He’d carried it with him all this time, touching a piece of me every time he looked at it. I wiped my eyes quickly as everyone leaned in, peering closely at a spot Blue Eyes was pointing to.

            “ _Here, Father,_ ” he signed to Caesar, almost quivering with excitement. “ _We all start over. New home._ ”

            I twisted my head around, trying to work out where he was pointing to. With the map upside down, and faded from age, it was difficult to make out. So intent was I upon the map that I completely missed Cornelia’s question, only looking up at the movement of her hands out the corner of my eye.

            In response, Blue Eyes reached behind him, picking up a pouch and digging his hand inside. We all tensed expectantly as he held up a clenched fist and then opened it. Sand poured from between his fingers, scattering on the ground with a hiss. The other apes hooted with various emotions as I glanced sideways at Lily. She returned my gaze with wide eyes.

            “ _Desert,_ ” Blue Eyes signed. “ _Rocket, I, cross it. Long journey, humans not find us._ ”

            Caesar and Cornelia exchanged a glance, some shared message, but my head was spinning too much to be able to follow their thoughts. Even the weight of Cornelius in my lap wasn’t enough to rein in my whirling thoughts. I felt lost in a whirlwind. So much had happened so fast.

            “ _Must leave tonight!_ ” Winter signed, the frantic movements of his hands next to me drawing my attention.

            “ _Tonight? Impossible,_ ” Lake objected from her place beside Blue Eyes.

            “ _Cannot wait! Soldiers get closer,_ ” Winter argues, and I found myself nodding.

            Blue Eyes reached out to Winter, but the gorilla shrugged him off, jumping up with an angry jerk of his arm.

            In an instant, everyone was on their feet, Cornelia, Blue, and Lake all stepping backwards. Cornelius scuttled out of my lap to hide behind me, Luca and Maurice towered menacingly, but Winter didn’t back down, snarling up at them. It was only when Caesar rose to his feet, chest puffed out, face hard with anger that Winter’s head lowered.

            “ _Son was_ gone,” Winter signed, his hand almost twisting as he formed the fist that finished the sign with the force of his emotion. “ _Not know how hard for us here._ ”

            Caesar made no response, but Blue, without glancing around at his father, reached out once more to touch Winter’s arm.

            “ _Know you scared,_ ” he signed, without judgement. “ _All are, but we still planning_.”

            Caesar’s eyes met mine, and I spoke up as if we were alone, and he’d asked me explicitly for my opinion.

            “Lake is right,” I said, the group focussing on me. “It’s impossible to leave tonight. But Winter is right too; there’s no point delaying.”

            The apes, given someone other than Winter to focus on, were slowly returning to their original places around the map.

            “You know the place?” Caesar asked me.

            Reaching out, I swivelled the map around, looking at it properly, orientating my poor drawing against my memories of proper maps.

            “Desert. Possibly somewhere in Utah,” I murmured, frowning to myself. “Or you might have gotten all the way to the Rocky Mountains. Whichever one, it’s a long way.” I looked up. “Blue is right, they wouldn’t find you. Latitudinally it’s not that different to here, the climate is probably similar, without the sea mists. I don’t know, I’ve never been there.”

            “I came through the Rockies,” Lily said, frowning beside me, “but it was much further north.”

            “What was it like?” I asked her.

            She shrugged. “Depended on what altitude you went up to, really.”

            “ _Leave now!_ ” Winter signed again.

            No one responded, but I looked at Caesar, raising an eyebrow. He, in turn, looked to his son.

            “It’s a good place,” Blue Eyes said aloud.

            Caesar’s eyes flicked to Rocket, who nodded. His sharp eyes turned back to me, unwavering. I was the one to look away, glancing around the cave.

            Will’s house, a refuge stolen from him. Who knew where he had been, what he’d lost next. Then the woods. The camp burned to ash. Now here, built up, adapted by the combined work of many hands. Yet another home to be snatched away from them.

            “Jac.”

            I looked back up at him, trying to smooth the bitter anger from my face. Was everything doomed to be unfair?

            “Are you with us?”

            My heart broke and was re-forged instantly.

            “ _Always._ ” I signed fiercely, hurt that he could have doubted me. “ _Promise._ ”


	4. The Best Laid Plans...

_Said you’d always be my white blood,_

_Elevate my soul above._

_Giving me your white blood,_

_I need you right here with me,_

_Here with me._

White Blood – Oh Wonder

.

.

The mountain became a hive of activity for the last hour of daylight. Apes knuckled quickly past, carrying messages, supplies, instructions. Lily seemed to be packed in seconds, no doubt a skill from her years of moving around. I took longer but was ready by the time the sun sank, throwing a few last rays of light onto the waterfall. Standing with my arms crossed, I watched the water sparkle as it fell out of sight. Another change, but much though I hated this one, it felt inevitable. We’d fought, made our stand, and been pushed back. Too many times, we’d been pushed back. The apes could not win against the humans. It was so clear to me now.

            A large figure moved up beside me, pale in the gathering gloom. I glanced briefly at Winter.

            “Alright? Ready to go?” I asked, trying to inject a briskness into my tone.

            He didn’t respond instantly, rocking slightly on his feet.

            “Jac!”

            I looked the other way, my eyes finding Lily, with Cornelius on her shoulders, swaying. Lily looked haggard, and I grinned. Raising a hand to indicate that I was coming, I gave Winter a final look, then hesitated. He looked scared. Turning away from Lily, I focused on him properly.

            “It’s going to be okay,” I said. “You heard Blue, this new place will be good, for everyone.” Reaching out, I pushed on his shoulder gently. “We’ll walk together, tomorrow. Talk.” With a final reassuring smile that he looked aside from, I turned away, striding over to pluck Cornelius from Lily, who sighed in relief.

            “Come on, Munchkin,” I said, my old nickname for him making him pant with laughter. “Let’s see what the others are up to.”

.

.

It took a while for Cornelius to settle with his family – no longer a baby, it wasn’t as easy to wait for him to crave the comfort of his mother anymore. By the time I was disentangled from him, it was almost completely dark. Lily and I made our way through the tunnels by memory, the torches of the patrolling apes a welcome intermittent reprieve from the darkness.

            In the blackness of our now sparsely furnished cave, we lay down side by side, faces turned away from each other but shoulders pressed together. The silence, broken only by the occasional soft call, weighed heavily on me. As always, the night was full of accusing faces. My mind went over and over possibilities for the next day until, finally, I dropped off to sleep.

.

.

Gunshots woke me.

            For half a second, I was frozen, trapped in fear and confusion. Then Lily moved beside me and the spell was broken. Rolling over, I scrambled to my feet, losing precious seconds as I extracted my gun from beside my pack before racing to the entrance. There, we both paused, listening. One way, Lake, Jasmine, Oren, many of the other mothers and young. The other way, Caesar, Blue, Cornelia, Cornelius.

            Shoving me to the left, Lily took off running to the right. With no time to call after her, I sent her a wave of emotion from my heart and raced away in the direction she’d pushed me, towards my family.

            More gunfire chased me through the dark tunnels, echoing from behind me, and cracking ahead of me. I lengthened my strides until I heard someone approaching from behind, fast. Spinning, I raised my gun, hands shaking from exertion. It was an ape who barrelled around the corner, and I barely had time to register Caesar’s face before he passed me. I sprinted after him, though he was much too fast for me to keep up. More gunshots. If I’d had enough breath, I might have whimpered.

            _Please, please, please, please._

            The word ran around my head like a prayer, emphasising every footfall with the desperation of my plea.

            _Please, please, please._

            Rounding the final corner, I somehow found the reserves to put on another burst of speed but in the next second, my legs had locked and I caught myself on the lip of the cave as gunfire exploded all around me. Flinching back, ears ringing, I just caught a glimpse of a human figure leaping backwards through the waterfall, spraying bullets in their wake.

            Heart pounding, I didn’t even have time to look around the rest of the cave before a streak of dark movement crossed it.

            “Caesar!” I screamed after him, the sound lost in my ringing ears. It was much too late and he launched himself through the waterfall. I knew a moment of utter terror, watching him fall to Koba’s bullet again. I was ready to turn and find a path outside, though it would no doubt be too late by the time I got out there when something else made me stop. Made my world shatter.

            Two dark shapes lay motionless on the floor, lit by the flickering torches all around the cave. Leaping forwards though I knew it was too late, I dropped to the ground beside them. Cornelia lay on her back, chest covered in blood, head turned towards her son.

            “No,” I moaned, feeling the vibrations of the word through my chest, rather than my ears. “No, no, no.”

            Blue Eyes’ namesakes were half-open, his expression dull and vacant. It made him look like nothing more than an animal.

            My hands reached out, but couldn’t make contact, shaking in the air above them both. This family, torn apart… Something clicked, and I looked up, wiping my face as I searched for a third body. It wasn’t there.

            “Cornelius?” The word barely whispered through my recovering ears. Not enough, not enough. “Cornelius!” On my feet again, I whipped around, looking everywhere for a hint of brown fur. “CORNELIUS!”

            Where was he? Had they taken him? Oh God, the thought alone was enough to make me shake all over. That would certainly have been enough to send Caesar on his wild leap out into the waterfall, but the lone figure I’d seen certainly hadn’t been holding him… Had there been more?

            Slowing, I came to a halt, trying to think, to imagine how it would have been. Surely the soldiers had entered the same way they had left, through the waterfall. Caesar had not been here. That left Cornelia and Blue with Cornelius. I nearly broke again at the thought of them standing together, upright and full of life. Choking down a sob, I shook my head. Cornelius was so much smaller, he wasn’t a fighter yet. So what would he have done?

            My eyes snapped open. Hid. Surely Cornelia would have told her younger son to hide, not knowing she would never see him again… Throwing off the dark, intruding thoughts, I tried to imagine the young ape scampering away. Not too far perhaps, not far enough to escape the sound of gunshots, or maybe even the sight of blood spraying from his mother’s chest… He would be scared, anxious, afraid. And my screaming wouldn’t help.

            “Cornelius?” I called again, my voice wavering now at a lower volume. “It’s okay, it’s me, it’s Jac. Where are you, Munchkin? It’s okay, please come out. It’s only me.”

            A sound.

            I turned. A small hand, wide eyes.

            It was hard not to run to him, but I made myself be slow, stepping around the bodies of his mother and brother to approach him, watching him draw back.

            “It’s okay,” I breathed, holding out my arms.

            He came to me in a great rush, wrapping himself into my chest, though his head poked over my shoulder, still gazing at the place where his family had fallen. I turned with him in my arms, bearing the sight in order to turn him away. My tears of mixed grief and relief fell onto his fur until new movement made me look up. Someone was coming up the tunnel. Many someones, judging by the amount of light flickering on the walls. Friends, or foe? There was no sound, or perhaps my ears were not yet sensitive to pick it up. Either way, I couldn’t tell if it was apes or humans. I glanced once more at Blue Eyes and Cornelia, but there was nothing more I could do for them. Clutching Cornelius tighter to me, I turned to the tunnel he’d emerged from and fled.

.

.

We lost track of time, cramped into a dark niche of rock, hidden from the world. There was very little sound, only the occasional outcry or whimper. We tuned out the sounds, not interested in their origin, or meaning. We couldn’t hide forever though. Eventually, two voices filtered through to our numb mind, and we had to listen.

            “She definitely came this way.”

            “Yes. Heard her.”

            “And she didn’t come back. Did she follow you?”

            A snort. “Doubt it.”

            We knew those voices. They were safety, they meant that it was okay. They were family.

            I could have remained hiding, despite Lily and Caesar’s voices, but Cornelius stirred and suddenly we were two instead of one. With some difficulty, I shuffled out of the tiny space we’d been crammed into, my arms still tight around the young ape, and began to wind my way slowly back down the tunnel.

            “What about Cornelius? Any sign of him?”

            Cornelius stirred again at his name, looking out from where he’d buried his face in my chest. Despite myself, I slowed my steps as I approached the final corner. What would be waiting around it? Were the bodies still there? I couldn’t put it off forever though.

            Caesar saw us first, rising to his feet as his arms reached for his only remaining son. Cornelius leapt from me at once, racing to his father. Lily passed him halfway, coming towards me with equal speed.

            Staggering backwards, I caught us both from falling, but barely, holding what felt like Lily’s full weight in my arms. Past her shoulder, I saw Maurice and Luca, watching Caesar hold his son tightly.

            “Don’t you ever do that again,” Lily panted, her voice tight. “I thought you were dead.”

            I opened my mouth, to tell her that I wasn’t, that I was okay, but I couldn’t find the words. I wasn’t okay. I simply tightened my grip on her, feeling her shaking.

            It wasn’t until I pulled back that I realised her weight wasn’t on me by accident. Her face was pale and tight and she wobbled as I introduced some distance between us.

            “Lily?” It took me only seconds to find the large red patch running down her leg from her upper thigh. “Christ! You’re hurt!”

            Pulling her arm over my shoulders, I half lifted, half dragged her across to a rock, pushing her down forcefully.

            “I’m okay, it’s just—ouch!”

            She flinched as I poked about with her torn pant leg.

            “What happened?” I growled.

            “I might have gotten shot.” She hissed in pain as I felt the warmth of fresh blood on my fingers. “Maybe.”

            I growled again, a wordless noise of frustration. “Put pressure on it. Is there an exit wound?”

            “Stop,” Lily said, pushing me away. “I’ll be fine. Few weeks of rest, new scar. No big deal.”

            The pain on his face told me she was making light of it, but her eyes flickered past me and I slowed. I didn’t want to look back, to see the bodies of those who wouldn’t recover, but I had to.

            Caesar was watching me, releasing his hold on his son very reluctantly to sign.

            “ _Thank you. You protect him. Again._ ”

            I shook my head. “I was too late.” My throat seemed to close, and I had to force down a sob. With a supreme effort and many deep breaths, I fought to speak again. “Who was it?”

            “You no see?” Maurice asked from the side.

            I shook my head. “I saw them, but only very briefly. It was dark.” My eyes found Caesar again. “Did you see? Did you see who it was?”

            “Colonel.”

            I went still.

            Pitiless eyes, a bald head, tight lines around the mouth.

            “He was here,” I asked carefully. “Him? He… himself? It wasn’t just…”

            Caesar was shaking his head. “Was him.”

            My eyes closed.

            _I’m not fussy about what I have to do to get it… You’ll be moved every hour, day and night…_ _Have you ever stayed under water a bit too long?... You’ll find out what that feels like… Then we’ll see how many more fingers you want to lose._

            “You’re sure?” I asked him, my voice shaking as I opened my eyes.

            Caesar didn’t say anything, just looked at me, and the expression on his face made my already-numb heart falter with new fear.


	5. Abandoned

_I loved and I loved and I lost you,_

_I loved and I loved and I lost you,_

_I loved and I loved and I lost you,_

_And it hurts like hell._

Hurts like Hell - Fleurie

.

.

Dawn came quickly, bursting like an unexpected flower, blooming out of season. How could the sun bear to rise after such a dark night? I settled Lily on her horse, watching her grit her teeth against the pain in her injured leg.

            “Okay?” I asked, checking her bag was secure.

            She nodded. “You need to sort your own stuff out.”

            “Don’t worry, I’ve got time,” I smiled but she wasn’t convinced.

            Reaching down, she grabbed my arm. “Jac…”

            Looking up at her, I searched her scared face.

            “Please…”

            She knew.

            I returned her grip. “You’re going to be okay,” I said.

            “No,” she shook her head. “No, not without you.”

            I twisted my arm from her fingers, stepping back.

            “I love you,” she said, before I could turn away.

            Looking up at her, I felt a twist in my chest. “And I love you.”

            “Then come. Come with us. Come with me.”

            My smile softened. “Lily. I’ll be right beside you. Where else would I be?”

            Taking a deep breath, she nodded. Smile still held on my face, I turned and walked away. Twelve years of lying, and I thought that one would possibly haunt me the most.

.

.

In the woods, high above the assembled apes, tucked into the undergrowth, I watched through my binoculars. Try though I might, I couldn’t keep the lenses away from Lily. She spent the whole time looking over the heads of the apes, giving only distracted or snappish answers to direct questions. I knew what, _who_ , she was waiting for. But I also knew that I was right, and it took less than an hour for it to be proven.

            Caesar moved among the apes, holding Cornelius’s hand, looking around him as he went. When he found Lily, alone, he paused. They watched each other for a moment, neither saying a word. Then Caesar turned away, moving instead to Lake. I watched him hand off his son with gritted teeth and trembling hands. More than anything, I wanted to be there, to shove him, scream at him. But I’d suspected from the minute I’d looked at him with Blue Eyes’s body still warm beside us, that he was going after the Colonel. And I knew that if I had been down there, no matter what I’d said or done, Caesar would have handed his son to me and walked away, and I wouldn’t have been able to put Cornelius aside. His scared and grief-stricken cries tore at my heart even from this distance. So I hadn’t given Caesar the option.

            Because I couldn’t help myself, I looked once more at Lily. She was staring at Caesar’s retreating back with a mixture of shock and sudden understanding. She turned abruptly, eyes searching the surrounding forest. With one last pang of grief, I put down the binoculars and wiggled backwards, careful not to disturb too many branches that could give away my position. I’d been right about Caesar’s plan. Now I had to decide what to do about it.

.

.

I found him heading west, towards the coast, trotting along an open path. Urging my own horse faster, hanging on grimly, I burst out onto the path a few feet ahead of him. He’d seen me coming, and slowed, a hard expression on his face.

            “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I spat, yanking my horse around harshly to face him, blocking the path.

            “Are you going to try and stop me?”

            “I shouldn’t have to!” I shouted, both the horses tossing their heads at the volume of my voice. “What are you thinking?”

            “My wife, my son, are _dead_!” Caesar snarled back, his anger rising to match mine.

            “You think you were the only one who loved them?!”

            “Then you should know why I must go after him!”

            “And what about Cornelius?!” I demanded. “You still have a son. One who just lost his mother, and his brother, quite possibly witnessed it. He needs you now. And what? You’re just going to turn your back, leave him? Is he not enough? Is revenge so much more important?”

            “It’s not just that,” Caesar growled. “They know where our home is now. They can come back, can block our route out. If I kill him, they will all come after me, give others a better chance to get you.”

            “Oh, don’t bullshit me, Caesar,” I snapped. “Yeah, the soldiers know where you guys were. That means they can go straight back there. Could even be on their way right now. Maybe they get there and the others have left already. How long do you think it will take them to find their trail, circle around and cut them off? Or even work out which is their most likely route and get ahead of them? Do you really think you can find and kill McCullough before that happens?” I shook my head bitterly. “No.”

            We stared at each other for a second.

            “You know, I never thought I would have reason to call you selfish,” I said. “But if you were really thinking about them, you’d still be with them. So don’t pretend like you’re doing this for anyone but yourself.”

            “And you?” Caesar shot back.

            “What about me?”

            “Why are you here?”

            “To stop you!”

            “Why?”

            “Wh—? So that Cornelius still has _some_ of his family, that’s why!”

            “Is that all?”

            Angry, I threw up my hands. “Just say what you’re thinking, because I’m not in the mood to play games with you.”

            “You still protect them.”

            I gaped at him.

            “That one… you kissed. You love him.”

            For a long moment, I couldn’t speak. After several breaths, I chose my words carefully. “How many times are you going to doubt me?” I asked, my voice shaking with emotion. “I have _never_ betrayed you. And if you weren’t grieving, I don’t think you would accuse me of it now. AND,” I spoke over his as he opened his mouth, “yeah, John and I had something. And maybe I could have loved him. But you know what? I loved you more. Loved your sons more. And perhaps you could notice which side I’m standing on—which side I’ve _always_ been on.”

            There was a long silence in which neither of us spoke. When it was broken, it came in the form of hoofbeats from behind Caesar. He turned at once, both of us watching three more horses approach us, carrying Luca, Maurice, and Rocket. I let out a weary breath. Maybe they would have better luck convincing him.

            They’ve barely reached us when Caesar shakes his head, but Luca signs before he can speak.

            “ _Soldier camp always moving, My guards think where it is. I take you,_ ” Luca signed.

            “ _You’ll need me to back you up,_ ” Rocket chimed in as well.

            “No,” Caesar said.

            Rocket’s face hardened slightly. “ _Please. Know feeling, to lose a son._ ”

            “I might not make it back,” Caesar said, and my hands tightened angrily on my reins.

            “ _That why I come,_ ” Maurice signed, in his deliberate way. “ _To make sure you do._ ”

            Caesar seemed to hesitate, torn, then gave half a nod. My heart sank as he turned his horse, facing me again, but this time with allies at his back.

            I shook my head. “You _won’t_ make it back,” I said hopelessly.

            Caesar did nothing, just looked at me.

            “I won’t follow you on a suicide mission,” I said. “I can’t.”

            “Then stay out of my way,” Caesar said, kicking his horse forward, pushing past me.

            I watched him go in horror, followed by the other three.

            “ _You were supposed to stop him,_ ” I signed as they passed me. None of them responded. Turning my horse, I watched them riding stiffly away.

            “You’re going to get yourself killed!” I shouted after their retreating backs. “How does that help anyone?!”

            They didn’t look back, and as Caesar kicked his horse into a faster pace, the others followed him, leaving me alone.


	6. Risk

_Here we come now on a dark star,_

_Seeing demons, not what we are_.

The Flood – Take That

.

.

Quite why I did it, I wasn’t sure. Maybe I wasn’t ready to go back to the troop, to look at Lily and Cornelius and admit that I’d failed. Maybe I wasn’t ready to give up on him yet. Whatever the reason, I followed the quartet of apes, keeping far back enough that I rarely saw them, tracking their horses’ fresh hoofprints along the muddy paths, guessing on a direction wherever the ground was too hard to leave a trail.

            My emotions slipped away as I tracked them towards the coast, a blank hopelessness covering my anger. It was at that point that I nearly gave up and turned away. Doing so would have required action, however, so I just let my horse keep walking, barely paying attention…

            The gunshot startled us both, the horse jumping sideways, unseating me even as I scrambled with the reins. It took several seconds for me to regain control, battling the dancing animal until it stilled, both of us staring off to the right. Only one gunshot. With a frown, I ignored the path to the right, instead urging my horse forwards. I knew this area a little – the path ahead rose and curved and would hopefully offer me a view of what was happening.

            I let the horse pick its own way along the ridge, peering down through the trees and listening hard. There hadn’t been any more gunfire, but I wasn’t very reassured by that.

            Yanking suddenly on the reins, to which the horse gave a disgruntled snort and stretched its neck in retaliation, I stared sideways, eyes fixed on a point through the trees, where I could see a body. He was slumped on the ground, blood soaking into the earth around his chest. There was no other sign of movement, but four horses that I recognised were standing in the treeline. My eyes returned to the body, then continued on, looking over the ground of wooden huts. There was only about half a dozen of them, two with wisps of smoke rising from the chimneys, the others silent. It was nowhere near large enough to house the Colonel’s army. They must be closer to the coast then. I nudged my horse forwards again without even thinking about it and almost stopped it again immediately. Why was I doing this? I didn’t have a good reason. I let the horse keep walking anyway, then nudged it again to move faster. Hopefully, Caesar and his companions would be distracted for a while and I could stay ahead of them.

.

.

It was almost too easy to find the soldiers. Their camp was further north than it had been when I’d been among them, but they’d stayed close to the beach, no doubt taking advantage of the easy travelling up and down the coast. Leaving my horse deep in the trees, I made my careful way to a spot with a good view, bracing my shoulder on a tree trunk as I raise my binoculars to my face. The camp was a hive of activity, soldiers moving everywhere, wrapping up bundles of cloth in pairs, carrying boxes back and forth to a convoy of trucks at the north side of the sea of tents. Frowning, I scanned the outskirts carefully. All around the remaining tents were patches of compressed sand in neat rectangles. Spots where tents used to be, now bare. They were breaking camp.

            Lowering my binoculars, I retreated slightly, skirting among the trees, working my way closer to the trucks. A spur in the forest let me get without 30 feet or so, to the point where I barely needed the binoculars. I held them to my cheeks anyway as I watched, ready to raise them if I needed to. It was only seconds later that two figures ducked out of a tent and my heart went instantly cold.

            One of them was unfamiliar to me. The other was Colonel John McCullough. Jerking back behind the tree, I had to bite my arm to stop myself from whimpering. The fear was irrational, I knew that. Just a shock reaction. Taking deep breaths, I unlocked my jaw, peering around the tree again. Nothing happened; no sudden spike of fear. I watched the Colonel with an impassive gaze. He had killed Blue Eyes. My fists clenched.

            “I don’t care!” he said suddenly, voice raised as he rounded on the other soldier. “Just get rid of it!” With that, he stormed away, passing within throwing distance of my hiding place before stopping at the cab of a truck, talking to someone through the open window.

            Slowly, I slipped my hand to the small of my back, fingers tracing the grip of the gun hidden there. He was so close. It would be easy. There was another truck between us that I could use for cover. It was practically guaranteed…

            _For Blue…_

            Even as I tensed, ready to move, he stepped away, moving around to the other side of the truck and climbing in, the door slamming on my opportunity. Teeth gritted, I looked away, back towards the soldier who had been talking to the Colonel. He had just emerged from the tent again, this time carrying a box under his arm with a tangle of wires sticking out the top.

            I frowned, glancing once more at the disappearing truck. The Colonel was gone, and from the looks of it, the rest of the army was breaking camp, preparing to move on. I needed to move now to keep up. But even as I drew back, a voice called out and I hesitated. The soldier with the box looked around, grimaced, then put down his burden, jogging away.

            Eyes drawn to the tantalising tangle of wires, I considered. What could the Colonel be so desperate to get rid of?

            It was beyond stupid, they all knew my face, but it was so close…

            For another second, I remained hidden, talking myself in and out of moving. Then I ducked out of the trees, head down as I crossed quickly to the empty truck. A flash of camouflage made me flinch but it was just a jacket left in the cab. Yanking the door open, I grabbed the jacket, swinging it around my shoulders, pulling the collar up to my ears against both the cold air and any curious glances. The box was sat a few feet beyond the end of the truck and it took a huge amount of willpower to keep myself walking calmly forwards into the open space. I spun on the spot, crouching to scoop up the box in one movement before walking quickly back to the truck. Of course, I wasn’t that lucky.

            I even made it back to the cover of the truck. With every step I expected someone to call out behind me, raising the alarm. But nothing happened, the only calls were those from before, relating to orders or requests as the camp broke. Then a figure stepped around the front of the cab, eyes downturned as they shuffled forwards. I froze in shock and the sudden locking of my legs made them look up.

            Winter’s pale eyes went wide as he recognised me, both of us stunned. I’d even opened my mouth to question what he was doing, unable to fathom how Caesar had caught up to me so quickly, and infiltrated the camp, when I saw the brand over his left eye, the two Greek letters standing out, red against his white fur.

            Two things filtered through my shock.

            First, he hadn’t been part of the group with Caesar. And second, he looked terrified, just as he had last night, urging us all to leave.

            That had been the last time I’d seen him. He hadn’t been part of the troop this morning when Caesar and I had both split away. A whisper in the back of my head pointed out that I could have just missed him in all the other bodies, all the movement, but I looked at his luminous fur, and that new brand on his head, and the fear in his expression, and dismissed it.

            Winter took a step backwards, glancing over his shoulder, mouth opening.

            “Don’t,” I snapped quickly, the box wavering as I let go with one hand, feeling for the gun at my back. He saw the movement and went still, shoulders hunching. It was a ridiculous sight, he must have weighed at least twice as much as I do, but he cowered like a child. _Guilty, guilty guilty._

            “Not a word,” I growled, taking a step forward. “You tell _anyone_ that I was here and I will know. I will come back, and I will find you.”

            He retreated further, pressing back into the truck as I skirted around him, closer to the trees.

            “You chose the wrong side,” I hissed then turned and ducked back into the trees, breaking into a run with my prize clutched before me.

 


	7. Bang, Bang, Bang

_We were the Kings and Queens of promise,_

_we were the victims of ourselves._

_Maybe the children of a lesser God,_

_between heaven and hell._

Kings and Queens – 30 Seconds to Mars

.

.

It wasn’t until I was back to my horse, panting from the exertion, that I slowed enough to let myself think. Dropping the box to the ground, I sank down beside it, shaking. What had Winter been thinking? I had known that he was scared, but he hadn’t just run away, he had gone to the Colonel. After seeing Red, the brand on his skin, the way that Preacher and Travis had looked at him, how could Winter have gone to them? Even once Red had gotten away…

               I went still, my head tilting. Gotten away? Had Red really escaped? I took a breath, willing away the horrible conclusion that my mind jumped to. I had no evidence that Winter had let Red go, or anything worse. He _had_ been wounded. Maybe Red had been talking nonsense to him, distracted him, overwhelmed him. Maybe Winter had believed some of it, believed it enough to think that maybe the soldiers were the safer option. Maybe.

               Looking back over my shoulder, I grimaced. This wasn’t the time to be debating the possibilities of Winter’s change of allegiance. The soldiers were on the move, and Caesar could well be trailing them again already. Turning back, I looked down at the box beside me, poking through the tangled mess of wires. Even when I found a boxy unit, it took me several seconds to extract it but even once I’d pulled it free, I found very few clues as to what it was, or why the Colonel had so angrily demanded its destruction. There were plenty of jacks to plug wires into and a couple of dials, but if they had ever been labelled, the words were long since rubbed off. Placing it aside, I dug a little deeper through the box, eventually coming up with a solar power pack, a thin extendable rod, and finally, a microphone. It was only then that I put it together. Volume and frequency dials. A power pack. An aerial. And a microphone. It was a radio.

               I sat back on my heels, considering. Why would the Colonel had wanted the radio destroyed? It made no sense. With another nervous glance back over my shoulder, I shoved everything back into the box and mounted my horse with it balanced awkwardly in front of me. It wasn’t easy, and I was limited to a very slow pace, but it felt much better to be moving again as I guided the horse north, further into the trees.

               It was easy, from the first ridge of hills, hidden by the trees, to follow the soldiers north, moving swiftly along the coast. Sometimes I would glance back over my shoulder, wondering if Caesar was back there somewhere, if he’d seen Winter among his enemies, but I didn’t dwell upon the thoughts. I had resisted putting together the radio. With no way of knowing who was on the other end, it was just too dangerous. I didn’t regret my decision to salvage it, however. If the Colonel wanted it gone, I wanted it saved, and maybe with more observation, I could gain an advantage from using it.

               It was a cold, miserable night. Huddled into the trunk of a tree, a blanket pulled close around me, I looked out on the snow that had snuck down during the evening and thought about Lily, and Cornelius, and Caesar. Mostly though, I thought about Blue Eyes. I remembered the scars across his chest, and the way he’d looked at me when I was wounded, ready to die, and he’d told me his father was alive. I remembered his eyes, so wide and accepting, the power in his lithe body as he’d swung through the trees, protected his baby brother, embraced me. I cried, and the tears froze on my cheeks.

.

.

There was little sleep for me that night, the snow was falling constantly and I shivered too much to be able to relax. When the sun rose, it was through a haze of white. Exhausted and cold, I got up, shaking off my blanket in a reluctant surrender of the pocket of almost-warm air beneath. I was actually glad to get back onto the horse, to feel its warmth under my legs and bury my hands in its mane. The soldiers had moved away from the coast, a wise move given the weather conditions, but the blizzard grew fiercer as the morning progressed, and I found it difficult to keep the lights of their trucks in sight as we moved ever further north. By mid-morning, I’d given up and was simply observing from one point, to get a general idea of their direction, then moving quickly along a parallel path for a while before checking again, thus minimising the amount of time I spent near them.

               So it was when I was out of sight of the column that the gunshots rang out. My horse shied as my heart began to pound, my hands clenching into tight fists as I looked up. Caesar? _Please no_. Surely it couldn’t have been…

               My mouth was very dry as I turned my horse and urged it forwards, moving much faster than was sensible over the obscured ground, perpendicular to my previous path, directly towards the noises. A third shot cracked loudly, and I gritted my teeth, reining my mount in just before the ridge ahead of me. The trucks were spread out in a line, all stationary. Scrambling with numb fingers, I pulled out my binoculars and peered through them, a hopeless cause in the swirling snow, but it did let me see several figures moving up from the end of the convoy, climbing into various trucks. The procession swiftly moved off again, but I remained where I was, trying to see through the trees to what they had been shooting at. I was praying not to see a glimpse of dark fur.

               My prayers were answered in a strange way. Far below, lying on the side of the road, were three bodies, human bodies, in uniform. Three bodies, three gunshots. I frowned, lowering the binoculars. Soldiers. They had been shooting their own men. Why? Dispatching those that were injured? I could rationalise no other explanation, but something felt wrong about it. Gritting my teeth, I pushed the dead out of my thoughts, continuing my pursuit of the living soldiers.

               They did not let up the pace, and by the time the snow stopped after midday, I had fallen behind, with only the lingering tire tracks and distant tail lights to guide me. Regardless, I ploughed on, following the road more closely for fear of losing the trail. I glanced behind me regularly but saw no evidence of Caesar and his companions, if they were even there. When night fell, the soldiers were out of sight completely, not a single distant light reflecting back to me. The snow began to fall again, lighter now as I halted my horse, gazing hopelessly ahead. Where were they even going? When would this trek northwards end?

.

.

Instead of hiding under a blanket and brooding, as I had done the previous night, I stopped under a copse of closely packed trees, where the snow was nothing but a light dusting and pulled out the tangled radio components once more. Time to try and use what I’d stolen. I smiled bitterly to myself as I spread the pieces out, trying to fit them all together, remembering the last time I’d stolen a radio from the enemy. That had just been a hand-held unit, taken from a body in a bank. My first contact with the soldiers, with the Colonel.

_Have I got your attention now?_

               That had been after I’d saved John’s life for the first time. My hands stilled, the memories tumbling over in my mind’s eye. Forest, with her injured leg. The pain that had come afterwards, the argument with Caesar that had led to my murderous spree. My madness. Finding the radio. Then there had been the missile strike. Winter had helped me save Jasmine and her son, Oren. And the radio conversation. ‘Go home,’ I’d told them. So many times, I had told them. Their refusal had cost so much. If only they had listened, when Blue Eyes had still been alive.

               A tear hit my hand and I flinched, blinking and feeling more slide down my face, tasting the salt on my lips. Sniffing, I wiped them away, returning to my task and trying to banish the memories.

               I didn’t hesitate to flip the switch, the dials lighting up with surprising willingness. Scooping up the equipment, I shuffled out from between the trees, to a clear patch of ground, holding the aerial as high as I could above my head.

               “Does anyone read me? Come in, come in, over.”

               I stood, shifting my weight as I waited, barely caring who might hear or respond. Maybe the Colonel had another radio unit, maybe they would hear me. Maybe it would reach all the way to Seattle, but I doubted it. Not with this little unit, this little aerial. Pursing my lips, I looked up at the small piece of metal, wondering if I could somehow link it up to a pylon, send the signal out further.

               “Does anyone read me? Come in, over.”

               I repeated my call, my arm already tired, head hanging as I tapped a foot.

               “—ello. Do you hear me? Over?”

               My head snapped up, hands suddenly shaking. The voice was crackly but distinct.

               “I hear you,” I said. “I hear you loud and clear, over.”

               “Good to know, friend. Where are you based? Over”

               “Somewhere in California. Lost track at this point, to be honest. Somewhere north of San Francisco. You? Over.”

               “Pretty mobile at the moment. You been channel surfing? Over.”

               “Kinda,” I hedged. “I’m following a big group, was hoping to talk to them. Any chance that’s you? Over.” Lies, but hopefully believable, and maybe enough of a hint to move the conversation towards the Colonel.

               “Sorry, I doubt it. We’re moving south. Over.”

               “Ah well, maybe we’ll intercept each other. If I can catch up with these guys, it would be hard to miss us,” I laughed. “Over.”

               “Do… How much do you know about them? This group that you’re following? Over.”

               I grinned. They’d taken the hint. “Umm, not a huge amount. They seem to have been based near San Francisco for a while—I found a pretty permanent camp—but they’re moving now, and damn fast too! But anyone would be better than being alone, y’know? Have you got a big group with you? Over.”

               “We’re fairly big, yeah. Listen…”

               I waited, shifting my weight.

               “This group… are they soldiers? Over.”

               “Ummm… I couldn’t really say. Why? Over.”

               There was another pause, longer this time.

               “It might be better if you avoided them. Over.”

               I let that suggestion sit for a while before replying, and only doing so hesitantly. “Okay… You want to tell me why? Over.”

               “I… It’s just not a good idea. Trust me on this. Leave them alone. In fact, get as far away from them as possible. Over.”

               “That’s not really telling me much,” I said. It wasn’t telling me nearly enough. _Why_ was the Colonel running north? “What’s so bad about them? Over.”

               “We’ve had reports that they’ve encountered a new sort of virus. Possibly a mutation of the original Simian Flu.”

               The aerial fell from my fingers to bounce off the ground. I just stared at it, frozen. The voice continued to issue from the radio unit, unaware of the bomb they had just dropped on me.

               “We’re not really sure at this point, but it’s not something you want to get mixed up in, okay. Seriously. Over.”

               My hands clenched. Bodies lined up, gunshots echoing. _A mutation of the original Simian Flu_. The sound that escaped me was somewhere between a groan of pain and a sorrowful keening.

               “Hello? You still there? Over.”

               The snow was soaking into the knees of my pants but I didn’t remember falling. 

               With a lethargic hand, I reached out for the microphone. “I’m here,” I said, dully. “Over.”

               There was another pause. “I’m sorry. It must be hard if you’ve been alone for a long time. There will be other people though. Better options. Keep going north, there’s a base at Seattle, they’re taking people in. Over.”

               “The virus, the new one, is it fatal? Over.”

               “We don’t know. Seriously, go to Seattle. Maybe I’ll see you then when I get back. Over.”

               “Yeah. Maybe. What’s your name? Over.”

               “Daniel. Sargent Daniel Walker. What’s yours? Over.”

               “Jacqueline. Jacqueline Boyd. Good luck to you, Daniel. Over.”

               “You too. Over and out.”

               The radio went silent, sitting dead in the snow. I very nearly lay down right then and there to join it.

               Of course they didn’t know if it was fatal or not. The Colonel was executing those who were infected before they had a chance to find out. Trying to stop the new virus spreading. But it clearly wasn’t working. So he was going north to… to what? To meet up with the soldiers from Seattle? Maybe they would have a way to stop the virus. But then why would McCullough have thrown away the radio. No. That wasn’t it. Something else then. Something important enough to make him abandon his war against the apes.

               I frowned, eyes focused on a stick poking through the snow. If the soldiers from the north weren’t coming to help McCullough… could the opposite be true? Were they going to stop him? But how? And why?

               My eyes moved upwards. The same reason McCullough was playing judge, jury, and executioner, of course. They wanted to stop the virus too. And no doubt they wouldn’t do it by half-measures.

               A face flashed before me, but I shook my head, pushing it away. It was too late for him. Far too late.

               Slowly, I dragged myself back to my feet, gathering up the pieces of the radio and lugging them back to the copse and dropping them back into the box. My horse looked up at my return then went back to tearing up what little foliage remained uncovered on the floor.

               I should have guessed that the virus could have mutated. Hell, I already knew it had mutated. It did so as soon as it was in a human system. The idea that it would continue to change was no great leap. It would take a miracle to find out just how it had changed though. Fifteen years ago, it would have been easy, or relatively easy. A few samples from someone infected, the equipment we’d had in the lab would have made short work of analysing it. Will would have sat shuffling papers around, unable to keep still until the results came back when he would instantly have burst into action. My smile at the imagined scenario faded.

               Yes, fifteen years ago, it would have been possible. Now… the likelihood of any decent equipment working was slim, there was no chance of collaborating with other scientists from around the world, getting their insights. And all my paper notes were stashed back in San Fransisco…

_Stop it_ , I told myself firmly. It was impossible for so many reasons, even before that stage. There was no point dwelling on it. I wouldn’t even be able to get close to the Colonel’s men anyway. No, it was better this way. The soldiers from the north would come, they’d eliminate the Colonel once and for all. Without its primary target, Caesar’s vendetta would end, and he would be able to return to the troop, to little Cornelius. I spared a thought for him, hoping he was okay. And Lily too, and the others. It was much better this way. The Colonel and his followers would kill me as soon as they saw me. It was pointless to even try.

               Unless…

               I closed my eyes. There was only one who might listen, who might hesitate long enough to give me a chance to talk.

               It was no effort at all to let the memories rush back. Standing on a beach, surrounded by a crowd and a swell of music, but feeling totally alone with him. The sting of a needle in my arm as I watched him fight for his life, two bullet wounds dripping blood from his chest. The expression on his face right before he’d walked out of a cold room, leaving me to be beaten. The feeling of his lips on mine.

               I slammed my palms down on the frozen earth beside me.

               It wasn’t my problem. They weren’t my problem. He wasn’t my problem. His father had killed Blue Eyes, killed Cornelia. Something inside my chest twisted in pain. I should want them all dead. I _did_ want them all dead.

_So run away._ It was my own voice, but it was Koba’s face that I imagined with it. _You’re the one who made the problem. And it’s all you know how to do, isn’t it? Run away from your problems?_

_Yes,_ I thought back viciously. That was exactly what I was going to do. The soldiers from the north would take care of the Colonel. It was past time for me to turn around and head back to the apes.

_And Caesar?_

               I hesitated. Caesar was good at getting himself out of sticky situations… but he was also undeniably practised at getting himself into them as well.

               What if I turned around, headed back to the troop now, trusting Caesar and the others to follow, and they never arrived? Would I one day have to explain to Cornelius that I’d abandoned his father? I rubbed my face and sighed. I could try to find Caesar and his companions, explain about the new force from the north, and try to persuade him to give up his mission… I snorted at the very idea. There was little hope of that. I wasn’t even sure that I’d be able to find Caesar again. Were they still behind me, or had they overtaken me at some point? I had no way of knowing.

               Maybe the easiest thing would be to keep following the soldiers, to make sure they were eradicated, without Caesar being caught up in the crossfire.

_And John too?_

_No_ , I told myself firmly. Time to let him go, once and for all.

               That was the plan then. I would continue tracking the Colonel until Daniel’s unit from the north found them. I might even be able to help the newcomers out, let them know where the Colonel was. They would be destroyed, the new soldiers would go back north, and Caesar could return to his family.

               What could possibly go wrong?

**Author's Note:**

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